Growing up I didn't have many boundaries set in my life. I would over-extend myself all the time until I was burned out and fatigued. I would never say no when people needed me because I thought that’s how you showed love by being there for others all the time. I didn’t draw the line with how people treated me and the access they had to my life. I thought to walk in love I had to be available no matter what and help everyone through their situations. I thought setting boundaries was a negative and selfish thing to do. However, as I reached a point in my life where there was nothing left of me to give, God began to show me the importance of setting boundaries and taking back control over the life he’s giving me.
I began to learn that it’s okay to set boundaries and to say no. Having boundaries does not make you selfish and it doesn’t mean you don’t love someone. It prevents you from over-giving yourself, hurting others, and allowing yourself to be hurt. The key is setting the RIGHT boundaries that work best in your life.
Setting healthy boundaries requires prayer, honesty, and awareness. God has called each of us to certain places, certain people at certain times. But you have to consult him to know who and what should have access to your life and how much. There are situations where we need to see it through or people we are supposed to help carry their load. But there are also people are not called to your life in this season and should either have no access or partial. So before setting boundaries pray and consult God about where he has you at the moment and what boundaries you need to put in place. He’ll begin to show you areas/people that may be draining you, having a negative impact, or even distracting you. He could also show you areas where you fall short and need a boundary put in place for yourself. He sees the big picture for your life and knows what’s harming you and helping you. He’s the only one who can help you set the RIGHT boundaries in your life.
Setting healthy boundaries requires honesty with God, yourself, and others.
Do you truly know and love who God created you to be?
Have you faced the real you?
Are you walking in your true identity? Flaws and all?
If so, setting healthy boundaries will become natural and easier to put in place because they represent who you truly are. When you get to know yourself, good and bad, you develop deeper self-love and value. You become more honest with yourself about your struggles and areas that need to change. That honesty will lead to healthy boundaries and will produce more love in your life. You can only love someone as much as you love yourself. Taking care of yourself with healthy boundaries helps you spread love to those around you.
“Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ Matthew 22:37-39 NKJV
Setting healthy boundaries also requires awareness. When you seek God he will give you discernment about your purpose for that season and who is called to it. Setting boundaries is what protects your purpose, peace, and heart. So you have to be aware of when a boundary needs to be set, and when it is being crossed. When you are seeking God, the enemy will always find a way to get you off track. “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8 NIV. Healthy boundaries are like protection, guarding your mind, heart, and spirit. However, don’t guard your heart in a way where you don’t let anyone in but in a way of showing your value and that it’s not easily accessible. It also shows God that you value what he has given you.
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Proverbs 4:23 NLT
Don’t let others make you feel like you have to conform to the standards they think you should have or drain you with the things they want you to do. Take back your power and set the necessary boundaries for you to flourish. Others may not agree with your boundaries, but if you and God agree that’s all you need. Our ultimate purpose here is to love God and to love our neighbor as ourselves. So when you flourish within yourself, it will flow onto the people around you.
“The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree: He shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon.”
Psalm 92:12 KJV
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